I’m sure you’ve heard it said that when you judge others it does not define who they are but, it does define who you are. Truth is, the opinions you have of others is often a reflection of your own experiences and insecurities.
Can you imagine a world without judgement? What would it be like if you could go out into your community and just be accepted for exactly who you are; all of the time? Isn’t it a nice fiction to think about?
It’s feels horrible to be judged by others. It can sometimes kill dreams and confidence in non-repairable ways. Thousands of therapists around the world are helping people right this very minute with anxiety and trauma experiences due to events of judgement that came from loved ones that were supposed to love them unconditionally and support them. Yet, as is often the case, these people were being judged and began to view themselves and what they could accomplish differently as a result of it.
The last thing you would want is someone choosing to rain on your parade about something that’s important to you or that you’re excited about.
Sometimes, however, it’s not you being judged. Sometimes it’s you making a lasting impact on someone else through judgement and you don’t even realize it. Judgement is not always obvious. There are many times when you will offer an opinion in love and support. You will find nothing wrong with what you said at all. However, the person on the receiving end of your opinion has just had their confidence shattered, heart broken or some other type of reaction that shuts them down entirely.
It’s important to remember that just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean that you should share it. Sometimes what you say has consequences for another person that you wouldn’t even think of. And, that if you knew they would process it in such a destructive and lasting way, you probably would never have said it to begin with.
Here are 4 Ways You Can Stop Judgement In Its Tracks
1. Be Mindful
You will never know what’s really going on for another person. Often, people will have lots going on in their internal world that influences who they are, what they do and why they do it. It can be easy to have an opinion on what you see and what they share. But know that what’s really going on, is much deeper for this person than what you see at surface level.
2. Re-frame the circumstances
Not everyone will get to their destination doing the same things your different people and therefore, the journey is bound to be different. When someone comes to you for advice or wants you to share your thoughts, take a moment and decide whether or not you’re ready to judge someone else’s choices. Most people are just trying to do the best they can with what they’ve got to work with. Offer a solution they can talk about with you. Re-framing the circumstances will give you both a better understanding of the options.
3. Look at your own behavior
Are you so perfect that everyone should listen to your opinion all of the time? Of course not. You’re human and that means you make plenty of mistakes and bad decisions in your own life. It’s a hard thing to see yourself reflected in someone else’s actions and behaviors when you don’t like what they’re doing. If what you’re seeing in other people causes you to be judgmental towards them, then look within yourself first. Become an example to follow instead of a judge to hide from.
4. Feel good about you
When you have healthy confidence in your own life and in your behaviors, it’s easier to help others when they come to you for advice or validation. It is none of your business what is going on for anyone else other than yourself. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you’ll never be able to help someone else feel good about themselves because you won’t be able to help them see what you don’t see.
Ultimately, it’s up to you how you’re going to show up in the world and in your relationships with people. It would be nice to believe that we’re always conscious of our words and actions. However, the truth is, it’s easy to slip up sometimes. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes if you’re sharing your opinions. Ask yourself, do they want me to validate them or tell them the truth as I see it. These are two very different questions and they’ll have very different impacts.